Mamasein

5 DON’Ts für jede Zuhause-Mama

Und warum du dir diese schlechten Angewohnheiten lieber schnell abgewöhnst

Als „Zuhause-Mama“ (oder Stay-at-Home-Mom, SAHM, Mutter und Hausfrau…) bist du deine eigene Chefin: Du entscheidest, was wann wie gemacht wird und ob überhaupt. Welch ein Luxus! Trotzdem gibt es ein paar Dinge, die du – obwohl sie fast jedem mehr oder weniger häufig passieren – lieber vermeiden solltest, um das Beste aus deinem Leben heraus zu holen. Folgende 5 Angewohnheiten sind aus meiner Sicht echte „Don’ts“ für jede Hausfrau und Mutter:

1. Den halben Tag im Schlafanzug bleiben

Wir kennen sie alle, diese Tage, an denen man beim Mittagessen Kochen bemerkt, dass man noch in der Schlafhose steckt (vor allem, wenn die Kinder noch nicht im Kindergarten sind). Obwohl es schön ist, in gemütlicher Kleidung durch den Tag zu gehen, sollte der Pyjama als Mode-Option lieber nicht zur Normalität werden.

Wieso? Die Art und Weise, wie wir uns kleiden, beeinflusst unser Befinden und unsere Selbstwahrnehmung enorm. Das heißt nicht, dass du zu Hause auf Stöckelschuhen herumlaufen sollst. Aber du solltest dir bewusst sein, dass dein Äußeres täglich von den wichtigsten Menschen in deinem Leben gesehen wird: deinen Kindern, deinem Mann und dir selbst. Welches Bild möchtest du, dass deine Lieben von dir haben? Und genau so wichtig: Welches Bild möchtest du selbst sehen, wenn du zwischendurch in den Spiegel schaust?

Wenn ich mir morgens die fünf Minuten nehme, etwas anzuziehen, in dem ich mich wohlfühle, meine Haare in Ordnung zu bringen und etwas minimales Make-up zu verwenden – also kurz, so auszusehen, wie ich aussehen möchte – fühle ich mich den ganzen Tag frischer und wohler – und ich muss keinen Schreck bekommen, wenn es unerwartet an der Tür klingelt (was bei uns übrigens ziemlich oft passiert).

2. Zu viel Zeit am Handy verbringen

Autsch, hier predige ich mir selbst. Ein schwieriges Thema für uns Mamas, die viel Zeit alleine zu Hause und damit in greifbarer Nähe von TV, Smartphone etc. verbringen. Medien bestimmen ja einen Großteil des Alltags der meisten von uns und auch jetzt gerade liest du diesen Text über irgendein Gerät. Technische Geräte sollen eine Hilfe für uns sein, aber wir müssen aufpassen, dass wir nicht unsere kostbare Lebenszeit an sie verschwenden.

Wir als Familie haben zum Beispiel keinen Fernseher, aber in einer Zeit, wo alles übers Handy läuft, ist es auch für mich immer wieder eine Herausforderung, das Handy bewusst wegzulegen und nicht bei jedem Klingeln in die Hand zu nehmen.

Nur mal kurz auf YouTube ein Rezeptvideo angeschaut, aber nachher hängen geblieben und schon ist 1 Stunde rum? Nur mal schnell eine Antwort auf Facebook geschrieben, und plötzlich hat man sich 30 Minuten durch ehemalige Schulfreunde geklickt? Nur mal eben die Lieblingsserie im Fernsehen angemacht, aber nachher lief noch etwas so Interessantes, und schon hat man mehr Zeit vor dem Fernseher verbracht als man eigentlich wollte…

Es geht nicht nur darum, dass wir ja alle Vorbilder für unsere Kinder sein wollen (mein Mann liest dazu gerade das Buch „Tech-Wise Family“ von Andy Crouch), auch uns persönlich schadet zu hoher Medienkonsum, weil er uns wertvoller und begrenzter Zeit beraubt, die wir eigentlich für echte Erholung, Qualitätszeit mit unseren Kindern oder unsere Arbeit im Haushalt nutzen könnten.

Also: Handy weglegen und such dir was anderes Entspannendes (aber erst den Artikel zu Ende lesen 🙂 )…

3. Sich isolieren

Eins habe ich seit Beginn meines Mamadaseins immer wieder gehört und auch selbst festgestellt: Es gibt leider viele einsame Mamas. Es stimmt, ohne regelmäßige Termine (von den paar Mal Krabbelgruppe, Arztbesuchen und ähnlichem mal abgesehen) ist die Gefahr groß, dass man tagelang mit keinem Erwachsenen redet (außer hoffentlich dem Partner).

Aus diesem Grund ist Eigeninitiative soo wichtig: Verabrede dich mit anderen Mamas zum Frühstück oder für einen Besuch auf dem Spielplatz, rufe Freunde an, mit denen du lange nicht gesprochen hast, nimm dir Zeit für ein positives Gespräch mit einer Nachbarin. Halte einfach mal die Augen offen: Die Menschen sind da, man muss nur die Momente nutzen.

Abgesehen davon, dass wir Beziehungen brauchen, übersehen wir schnell, dass wir auch anderen eine Freude machen, indem wir auf sie zugehen. Ich genieße es, als Mama mehr Zeit für Beziehungen zu haben, Freundinnen zu besuchen oder einzuladen oder für ein Gespräch mit einer älteren Dame im Supermarkt oder mit der Nachbarin stehen zu bleiben. Wie auch immer es für dich aussieht, finde Wege, um deinen Tag mit Menschen zu füllen.

4. Sich mit anderen vergleichen

Sie hat so eine tolle Figur, und das nur drei Monate nach der Entbindung!… Bei ihr ist es immer so ordentlich, ich schaffe das niemals!… Sie hat viel mehr Unterstützung von ihrem Ehemann, davon träume ich!… Ihre Kinder sind viel gehorsamer als meine, ich wünschte, meine wären auch so!…

Jede Frau steht ständig in der Gefahr, sich mit anderen zu vergleichen, und meist schneidet sie selbst dabei schlechter ab. Dabei ist das Ganze ein großer Trugschluss: „Das Gras ist immer grüner auf der anderen Seite“ sagt ein bekanntes Sprichwort. Wer so denkt, ist blind für die Gründe im eigenen Leben, dankbar zu sein. Und natürlich: Wer sich das eigene Gras grüner wünscht, kann es immer noch ein bisschen besser pflegen.

Statt dich selbst negativ zu bewerten, freu dich aufrichtig für die Mama, bei der es in dem einen oder anderen Punkt so gut läuft. Und dann überleg mal, wofür du in deinem Leben und in deiner Familie dankbar bist. Du wirst feststellen, dass es unterm Strich keinen Grund gibt, sich mit jemand anders zu vergleichen.

5. Selbstmitleid

Eine Mama, die viel Zeit zu Hause verbringt, mehr mit Krabbelkindern als mit Erwachsenen redet und sich nach Bestätigung und Lob sehnt, kann schnell in die Selbstmitleid-Falle tappen. Dabei sollten wir nicht vergessen: Im Normalfall ist das Zuhause-Mama-Dasein eins, für das wir uns selbst entschieden haben.

Ich jedenfalls habe mich bewusst dazu entschieden, mein Arbeitsleben, Karriere und Erfüllung im Beruf zu Gunsten meiner Familie hintenan zu stellen. (Dass das nicht jeder Mama so möglich ist, ist mir klar, und auch nicht jede Mama wünscht sich diese Situation.)

Mittlerweile sind unsere Töchter fast 3 bzw. 1 und ich bin jeden, wirklich jeden Tag unheimlich froh und dankbar über diese Entscheidung. Trotzdem ist auch bei uns nicht immer Sonnenschein angesagt, auch ich muss mich immer wieder motivieren und von Zeit zu Zeit daran erinnern, in welcher Luxussituation ich bin und wie dankbar ich sein darf, zu Hause zu sein, während mein Mann das Geld für uns verdient. Wir haben wirklich einen Grund, dankbar zu sein: Mamasein ist etwas Wunder-Wunderschönes und es gibt nichts Wertvolleres, als sich in seine Familie investieren zu können.

Das sind fünf Angewohnheiten, die ich in den letzten Jahren immer mehr aus meinem Leben zu entfernen versuche. Wie sieht es bei dir aus? Hast du andere DON’Ts oder findest du es auch manchmal schwierig, dies so umzusetzen? Lass mich wissen, was du darüber denkst.

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